Patriarchal Blessings

Today, I am grateful for patriarchal blessings.

I love mine. It's so wonderful. I remember the day I got it. 

The day was December 10, 2006. I had just turned 18 8 days earlier. I was going through a hard time with some major health issues and that is really when my depression started. I remember taking my mom and dad and being very emotional. I remember hearing those words as if it was God himself telling me to my face. I knew he was the one giving the words to my patriarch and it inspired me so much. I remember feeling like "Ok, I can do this!" after my blessing.

I don't read it as often as I should, but I always feel better after I do. Each time I read it, I gain something new. Or, understand something deeper. I will share 2 sentences, that I feel are OK to share. 

"You will frequently be called upon to perform and to serve others. Because you will have decided to perfect yourself and your talents and to put in enough time to be a servant of Heavenly Father, others will be uplifted by you." Well, I hope that is the case! I hope I am uplifting others when I write on my blog. In fact, I am grateful for those who comment and send emails because many people have sent love and told me they were inspired by me. That makes all this blogging feel worth it. I am grateful for blogging too- because it has brought me closer to those around me and helped me share my feelings. 

I received this email a while ago that truly made my day: 

"Gillian,

 I know we don't really know each other all that well. I have briefly met you here and there, as well as heard your name a lot. I know a little bit about you, but I doubt you don't know me at all. But I just wanted to let you know that, yes I have been blog stalking you.  BUT, as I read your blogs I can't help to think what an amazing and inspiring girl you are. I can't help but to be a little jealous. Any ways I just wanted to let you know that as I read your blog I can definitely see the great faith and spirit you have, seeing you work through your trials and hardships really helps me to want to be a better person and to be able to have such great faith and testimony that you do.

 

I don't expect a response or anything, Just wanted to let you know that I think you are an amazing girl and I admire you very much. Keep up it up! Thanks for all your uplifting and fun posts!"

 

I remember reading that a few times and thinking, ME? I'm inspiring? I'm just writing how I feel! But, I really do appreciate when people share with me their feelings and thoughts. I like to know I am helping others a little. I am grateful for nice people who support me and love me. I am grateful for lots of things today.

 

In my patriarchal blessing it also says that Satan would try to keep me from feeling true gratitude for my many blessings. Well, that's not gonna happen! Because I am TRULY grateful for life and for that blessing I read once again last night to remind me who I am. 

new clothes

today, I am grateful for new clothes. 

I had a gift card to rue 21 that I hadn't used yet, so off I went today to get me a new outfit. 

New clothes boost my confidence. I don't know what it is. If I had money, I would be a shopaholic. I would waste all my money at Rue 21, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, and Victoria's Secret. I really would. Someday, I will have a walk in closet FULL of clothes. Some even with tags on. Don't get me wrong, I love my thrift shopping at D.I, but sometimes, a NEW outfit just makes me feel happier than an old one.. 

I'm grateful I can cut my own bangs as well, like I did in this pic. 

Plus, I got all good deals today. 

Pants, $20

Tank Top, $4

Shirt, $4.99

And, I am grateful for COMFY shoes! I got my shoes at payless a few months ago. Best decision ever! I wear them every single day. 

I am grateful for skinny jeans too, because they make me look skinny. 

peace out girl scout. 

Beautiful Music

Today I am grateful for beautiful music.

I am sitting here at work (The Utah School of Music and Dance) and listening to students play their guitar with Scott Miller- the director and owner of the school. He's so very talented and the sound of the guitar soothes my soul.

Here is a song I love right now. I love the guitar in the beginning, and I LOVE her voice. I am grateful for people who can actually SING!

A Clean Closet

Today, I am grateful for a CLEAN closet! (and room.) I kid you not, this is my hardest thing to keep clean. I struggle to hang up my clothes. This picture below is truth to that statement. Truth: All of these clothes were on the FLOOR in my room. Every single one of them. Oh saddness. 

This is me thinking: Crap. Why do I let it go this long?

So, I took it upon myself to build me some shelves from some wood we had laying around. This will help me gain more room for storage right?

Heels on top, pants folded below. 

I am also thankful for cute heels. :)

Then, I hung up all of my clothes and hung them up according to color! White, black, brown, gray, purple, pink, red.. etc. 

I got rid of a ton of my shoes because they all had holes in them and were totally worn out. Why was I even keeping them around? Here are the shoes I have left organized. 

And I also cleaned out my drawers, I realized, holy crap, this is where all of my socks have been! I found like 20 pairs that were just unpaired up and laying in my drawers. YAY! I have socks!

So now, I can wake up to a clean room and an organized closet, which is something I am grateful for today. 

Sunshine

Today, I am grateful for sunshine. I woke up to a bright shining sun, and that automatically helped me believe it was going to be a good day. Isn't it amazing what a little sun can do to make us feel better? 

I opened up my blinds and saw the sun shining through my living room. 

It was glorious.

I found this picture on google images. I typed in 'blue skies and sunshine' and this was the first picture to pop up. It's gorgeous! I can't wait for spring so I can start to plant my flowers and see them bloom- and then I can wake up to sunshine almost every day! I'm ready for it to warm up. 

Sunshine often brings sunburns, which most people aren't fond of, but I don't mind them. Yea, they hurt, but they turn into a tan and always clear my skin up, and keep me warm. But, I do wear sunscreen so I don't get cancer.  

(kev and I in moab after a long day in the sun.)

I had a little sunburn here! this is us after attending the temple

this is me on our honeymoon. I got this sunburn just from standing in line at knotts berry farm. I was wearing one of those shade cap sleeve shirts. Haha! 

Plus, sunshine means more options and things to do outside. Like hiking in Arches National Park! (Kev and I)

Swimming and playing with frogs!

Scooter rides down to the lake

Beautiful sunsets (newport beach 2008)

and dancing at the beach in the warm weather...

So today, I am grateful for sunshine. Can't wait to have more of it as the season changes... 

What are you grateful for today?

Blistex

Today, I am grateful for blistex. It's the best chapstick in the world! Kevin claims that if you don't use chapstick, your lips hydrate themselves, but I don't think that's true. Haha. I love this chapstick though. It also reminds me of my good friend Brittney, who is on a mission. She loves it too. When we went to cali on a girls trip, we were having some dry lips (I think it was the climate change) so we ran to Walmart and got some blistex. Best. Decision. Ever. haha! 

Walking with Gratitude

I'll admit, gratitude has not been my main feeling these last few months. 

Infact, it's been the complete opposite. 

Trials have came and gone in my life and for the most part, I have gotten through them with a strong testimony and have felt that everything happens for a reason. But, this trial of having depression has been incredibly hard on me. I have felt alone. Selfish. I've lost people I love because I have pushed them away. I have turned into this negative person who I don't even know. But, I want to change. I need to change. 

With many many tears and sadness that has come with this depression, I have felt as though Satan has taken over my thoughts and actions and has encouraged me to stay that way. My testimony shook, and my prayers were less often. I have felt that God maybe wasn't listening anymore. I didn't feel his presence. I felt more alone than I can even explain. I have wanted to end my life. Multiple times. 

But- I still know God lives and that in itself has to be my testimony- so I have started to feed off of that. I got help from the doctor, and will be starting counseling too. I have been trying to do all I can do to be the happy person I know I am. My brother Adam took me to breakfast this morning at Kneaders and I sat and listened to him explain all the problems that come with depression. (He has suffered from it as well.) He said depression is a selfish, prideful thing and only because when you have depression all you think about is yourself and how others are hurting YOU. Not how you are hurting others. I didn't say much, because I know he is right. It hurts to hear those words because I have only been thinking of how others have hurt me. I never realized that it might be me that is hurting others. He compared it to a drunk driving accident- when the driver is drunk, they don't have good judgment and they will try to get others along for the ride- when in the end, it can only cause damage and force others to be pulled into something they didn't expect or want. I don't want to be the 'drunk driver' that pulls others down with me. 

So, today, I change. 

I walk with Gratitude. (hence, the blog name)

My brother suggested that I start a blog or journal and write everyday on it something I am grateful for. I am sure this will help me see that there are people who love me in my life and there are things that do make me happy. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives.”

I have yet to know that to be true, but I am sure it will prove itself in time. I have faith that I can change, and that God will help me gain my strong testimony again. 

Today, I am grateful for my brother Adam. He took me to breakfast at Kneaders and shared with me many truths about life and how to get through the hard times. He is the only brother that has told me lovingly how he thinks I can get through it, and I am grateful he took the time to care about me and help me. 

Thomas S. Monson says: it is my prayer that in addition to all else for which we are grateful, we may ever reflect our gratitude for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. His glorious gospel provides answers to life’s greatest questions: Where did we come from? Why are we here? Where do our spirits go when we die? That gospel brings to those who live in darkness the light of divine truth.

He taught us how to pray. He taught us how to live. He taught us how to die. His life is a legacy of love. The sick He healed; the downtrodden He lifted; the sinner He saved.

Ultimately, He stood alone. Some Apostles doubted; one betrayed Him. The Roman soldiers pierced His side. The angry mob took His life. There yet rings from Golgotha’s hill His compassionate words: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” ¹⁴

Who was this “man of sorrows, … acquainted with grief”? ¹⁵ “Who is this King of glory,” ¹⁶ this Lord of lords? He is our Master. He is our Savior. He is the Son of God. He is the Author of Our Salvation. He beckons, “Follow me.” ¹⁷ He instructs, “Go, and do thou likewise.” ¹⁸ He pleads, “Keep my commandments.” ¹⁹

Let us follow Him. Let us emulate His example. Let us obey His words. By so doing, we give to Him the divine gift of gratitude."

So, I will do all I can to give the Lord the divine gift of gratitude by walking with faith and gratitude in my every day life. I hope you will help me do this and do it for yourself too. That doesn't mean my life will be instantly perfect or happy all the time. But on this blog, I will try to just share the tender mercies of my life and the things I am grateful for. It needs to be my gratitude journal even though right now the bad outweighs the good in my life, I need to be grateful for it Because like Joseph B. Wirthlin says, it can help mold me into the person God wants me to become, and to come what may, and love it.